Happy Birthday
by RunsWithScizors
Summary: Hilbert and Hilda celebrate their October birthday in the 6-year anniversary story for the Pokedex Adventures series.


**Well, audience, we're back, and it has been way too long. Different summer vacations tore us apart for two weeks, school started, and we got a little too into Ace Attorney and Fire Emblem Fates. (The editor should never have played Fire Emblem. She goes mad with power when she can make her ships canon in-game.)**

 **Fortunately, this was planned as an anniversary story anyway. It's been six years since what were once a normal brother and sister posted the first chapter of a fanfic that was intended to be yet another following of the author's B/W playthrough, but became the entire Pokedex Adventures series. I think it turned out better this way.**

 **Unfortunately, this story is just a fusion of the best scenes from failed drafts. But I missed these guys and we didn't do anything for the five-year anniversary, so just take what we give you.**

* * *

"You," N said through his teeth, "are a monster."

 **"I know,"** the Serperior answered dismissively, flicking the tip of her tail. **"But I'm the one helping you navigate humanity, aren't I?"**

"You're helping me navigate your trainer," N corrected. " _She_ is helping me navigate humanity."

 **"Technicalities."** Erika stretched, her head resting at N's feet. **"I'm just saying, Hilda is turning _nineteen_. She's a legal adult, and her brother and your sisters all want..."**

"I'm not asking Hilda to marry me. Not when she's still technically a teen." He did let the image into his mind, but only for a moment. That was something he'd only seen on TV. He had no idea how it worked in reality.

He should have known where this was going from the moment Erika had requested a personal conversation. He had stopped to pay a visit to his closest human friends, the twin heroes that had saved him, and temporarily the rest of Unova, from Ghetsis. He'd learned that their birthday was approaching, and had been invited to spend the day with them. He'd missed their last one, helping Zekrom recover from Rosa's adventure instead. He was planning on just following Cheren and Bianca's lead when it came to the actual party.

But of course, Erika had suggestions that went in a completely different direction from his intentions. He had let his current Pokémon friends meet and play with theirs, while he himself was quickly roped into taste-testing Hilda's new recipe, and had just stepped out to tell his friends that it was time to go when the Serperior had dragged him aside and started talking about his relationship with Hilda in a way that made him slightly uncomfortable.

It was the Chargestone Cave incident all over again.

 **"Fine,"** Erika was saying when he returned to the moment. She didn't look disappointed. **"I just know you want to do something for them. She also likes horror movies, candles, the color pink..."**

"Skulls," N added, drifting away slightly as he remembered how Hilda's eyes lit up at the thought of pink plastic glitter skulls - and how she had one on her bedroom desk. It wasn't his type of year-round decoration, but then, Ghetsis had never let his adopted children celebrate Halloween. "I don't need to _marry_ her to make her happy. Do I?"

Erika smiled innocently, setting off every alarm in N's head. **"You'll understand someday,"** she promised. **"I just want to make sure my human has someone looking after her."**

"And her brother and all of their Pokémon friends do not count? I would have thought that you would be looking out for her. That is what Professor Juniper raised you for."

 **"She raised Tommy to do the same,"** Erika pointed out. **"And Hilbert is still the one looking out for him."**

"We all agree there's no hope for Tommy." It went against his instincts to say so, but he knew better now. It wasn't the fault of Hilbert or Professor Juniper that Tommy was such a hopeless case. In fact, Hilbert helped Tommy get (slightly) better with his understanding of things, and it was because of the professor that he was still alive to be given to Hilbert in the first place.

Erika admitted his point. **"It was just a suggestion,"** she repeated, starting to slither away. **"And one your Zoroark thought of first."**

N kept his eyes on her as she left, but his mind was on his illusionist friend, who was safely tucked away in the Pokeball he had asked for. "That explains it all," he said quietly, and released Zekrom to carry him home.

He was going to have a long talk with the potential matchmaker, and ban him from speaking to Erika unsupervised ever again.

* * *

Hilbert realized, now, that he should have expected something like this to happen.

After all, N had adapted to Unova's Halloween celebrations almost immediately, stating that he'd enjoyed nightmares as a child, since he fed Ghost-types with them. Hilda had read every children's scary story book in the library by the time she was seven, and had seen plenty of terrifying movies by the time she went on her journey. He should have seen that N, who usually stayed back with the Pokémon when his girlfriend went shopping, would have jumped on the chance to come with her to a Halloween store in Castelia City.

All that, Hilbert understood. But did that really mean that he had to be dragged along?

The entire store creeped him out. There were too many realistic decorations, and while he could stomach the occasional scary movie, watching these horrible human-like creatures on the screen was much different than being around similar things in real life. And the other humans weren't helping anything.

"Can we adopt it, N?" Hilda asked, holding a plastic baby devil lovingly. "We can keep it locked in the basement and feed it human souls twice a month."

"Are you sure we're ready for this responsibility?" N asked in return, looking down at the creature skeptically, unafraid of its sharp teeth and unnerving expression. "We aren't married, neither of us has a real job...we're barely legal adults, Hilda!"

"I'm looking for a job!" Hilda protested. "Please, N? Souls don't get too expensive..."

He looked up from the baby to meet her eyes. "Have you been paying _any_ attention to the black market lately?"

"I mean, we can feed it the souls of our neighbors! Chandelure can collect them for us!"

 **"Leave me out of this,"** her Chandelure said as he examined a Ouija-board cake plate.

"I don't think he will," N translated immediately. "I guess we can't be parents yet, after all."

"But the baby's so cute!"

Hilbert shuddered. "Put it back, Hilda," he instructed. "I don't want a demon for a niece."

"Excuse you, this is a _boy_."

"I don't want a demon for a nephew, either," Hilbert whined. "Really, this whole place is starting to give me the creeps. I haven't been this freaked out since Professor Juniper's boyfriend tried to give Tommy a brain."

N and Hilda paused to stare, the plastic demon child falling from Hilda's grip. "Who?"

"You know, Professor Juniper's boyfriend. I don't know his name."

"I wasn't aware she was seeing anyone," Hilda said, and Hilbert rolled his eyes.

"You know, a tall blond guy in a lab coat? Scary shiny glasses? Basically the human version of internet trolling?" When Hilda still looked lost, he rolled his eyes and added one fact he knew she was sure to remember. "You stalked him for six blocks trying to figure out how his hair worked?"

He could practically see the wires in her brain come together and spark. "Oh! That guy? I didn't know that was a thing. Bianca would have mentioned it."

"Maybe they're not a couple yet," Hilbert said, pleased that she had forgotten about the demon child. "But I'm never wrong about these things."

Hilda just picked up the demon child to put him back where she'd found him. N, on the other hand, couldn't keep his commentary to himself.

"Hilbert, you suck at matchmaking," he pointed out, as gently as he was capable of. "Let's just leave it at that and go play with the swords."

"I only suck at getting couples _together_!" Hilbert insisted. "I'm great at seeing potential! Look at you two! You're practically married!"

"Well," Hilda began hesitantly, "one out of three thousand isn't much to brag about, Hilbert."

"I was right about Cheren and Bianca, too," Hilbert reminded her, and Hilda sighed.

"Two out of three thousand isn't much, either."

"Technically one in -" N started, but Hilda looked up at him with an expression that was half-amused, half-exasperated.

"What did I tell you about math?"

"Do it in my head," N recited, "not out loud. It gives you a headache."

Hilda smiled proudly and turned her attention to a wall of shiny costume bits, and Hilbert leaned in to speak.

"How to Train Your Boyfriend," he taunted. "By Hilda Grey. I can practically see it on the shelves now."

"I am not trained," N denied. "I am not a Pokémon."

Hilbert condescendingly patted his taller friend's shoulder. "N, look at the facts. She gives you treats for good behavior."

"Treats she makes in the first place to satisfy her own sweet tooth, as well as yours."

"She's convinced you to stop talking math."

"She isn't a math person, and I accept that."

Hilbert clicked his tongue, and perhaps he would have made a comment about something he shouldn't, but a loud cry from what was very clearly a Samurott distracted him. They both turned to see that Tommy, Hilbert's Samurott partner, had escaped his ball and gotten startled by a creepy clown mask. Then he turned and triggered a mechanical werewolf to lunge at him. Then he turned back to the mask, then to the werewolf, and back to the mask, yelping every time.

Hilbert looked as if he had finally had enough of Tommy's antics, but he went over to calm him down, talking the Samurott out of the fear in a reassuring voice.

As simple-minded as the boy seemed during his matchmaking theories, no one could deny that he was good with his Pokémon. N had chosen his friends wisely.

Of course, Reshiram was generally a good indicator, but N had liked the twins before they were even close to summoning her. She shouldn't mind if N took some of the credit.

Hilda's head turned toward the commotion in alarm, but she just as quickly decided that it wasn't her problem. "I just want to set that Samurott loose in a haunted house," she said, so quietly N was sure it was only for herself to hear. Then she found a vampire costume and ran off to try it on.

As if he was aware of his sister's disappearance, Hilbert looked up from comforting his starter, as if he was giving out a secret message. "In case you were stumped on a birthday present, she likes sharp things," he said, and N felt himself smile a little.

"I know she does. I brought you along because I need your help finding which sharp thing would be her favorite." The smile faded. "I've never been to a birthday party before. How does it work?"

* * *

"Under normal circumstances," Hilbert explained as the trio left, Tommy back in his ball but Chandelure still following Hilda, "birthday parties are from the ages of three to twenty-five, when aging is viewed as a good thing. The cake and presents are tradition, but you could say they're rewards for the person staying alive that long."

N had seen that much on TV. He and his own sisters hadn't had birthday parties, but they all had a vague idea of when they were born and had claimed a date to 'level up,' if only to keep their ages straight. "And the candles? Are they some form of ritual for dark magic?"

Hilbert stopped in his tracks. "What?"

"Ghetsis told me it was a dark ritual and that I couldn't do it, no matter how much I begged." N almost sounded hopeful. "Now, I know that Ghetsis is a liar...or was, Rosa never did say what happened to him. But during my _very_ brief time on Tumblr, somebody else pointed out the similarities. Something is set on fire and surrounded by a small crowd, all of them chanting together, and then the flames are extinguished and the object is stabbed with a knife. Then the crowd gives the head of the ceremony offerings to placate their wrath."

"Really?" Hilda's voice was low, and her eyes were lighting up at the connection she'd never made before. Hilbert knew she was still into dark rituals (it hadn't been HIS idea to turn their 17th into a séance, after all) but if she demanded blood sacrifice, he'd tell their mom.

"That's...one way of putting it," Hilbert finally decided. "But it's not really the same thing."

"Only in the sense that there's a superstition around the fire," Hilda explained, still giving N that look, "and even then, I barely count it as magic. I wished for world domination once...that, and real witch powers. I never got either."

"I got everything I ever wished for," Hilbert bragged.

"That's because all you ever wished for was lame stuff like friendship and adventure." Hilda bumped his arm with her shoulder. "We had that already. More than enough adventure, actually."

"Not when we were twelve, we didn't." Hilbert looked smug. "Back then we only had Cheren and Bianca. No one else dared to talk to us."

"I wonder why," Hilda muttered, rolling her eyes to the back of her head. "It couldn't have anything to do with the fact that you had focus problems and once drew a picture of yourself using a crossbow to shoot down a ten-foot-tall potato monster on your math test."

"Or you being officially nicknamed Hex Maniac Hilda when we were _ten_." He matched her expression perfectly, proving that they were related after all and neither had been switched at birth. "We can fight over the blame all day, but let's just cut it down the middle and say that I was an idiot and you were the goth kid that scared the other goth kids." He looked up at N pointedly. "She was really into vampires. Had a crush on Grimsley of the Elite Four big enough that she based her movie taste on him..."

"My crush and the movies had no relation!" Hilda insisted, but N caught on.

"Should I be jealous?" he asked, pretending to be the sheltered child king they both knew he wasn't. "I never did get to know Grimsley, after all. Was there something I missed?"

"Absolutely not," Hilda insisted, though her face turned slightly pink. "He was just an attractive man who was decent in real life. There are plenty of guys like that." She looked up at N. "You fit the description, too."

Chandelure pretended to think. **"Plenty of guys like that,"** he repeated. **"But you went for the vampire and the werewolf. Congratulations on turning your personal life into a bad supernatural romance novel."**

N decided not to translate that one, even though Hilda asked. The last thing he wanted was to get Hilbert started on _that_ again.

* * *

Cheren had come in from Aspertia City for the occasion, and it was only the five of them and their Pokémon friends making up the party. As it turned out, the twins weren't very popular even after saving Unova from N and Ghetsis, something to do with how they stuck to their small group to cope with everything and then took off to search other regions for their friend.

They gathered in the backyard, where the slight chill in the air proved that this October was a warm one, and as their mother hunted down birthday candles, they had decided to introduce N to human games.

Now, N and the Pokémon were watching and providing commentary as the other four humans played a card game where the objective seemed to be to offend as many non-players as possible.

"That's not fair!" Hilbert complained as Bianca took yet another point. "I earned that point!"

"Hey," Bianca objected, "I made Hilda choke on her drink. I think I got the better one."

"Do you even know what we're playing?"

Bianca smiled brightly as she faked ignorance. "Go Fish?"

Cheren looked like he didn't know whether to be proud or horrified at how good his girlfriend really was at this game. "Where did you learn to play this?"

Bianca gave him that familiar over-the-glasses stare. "I watched as Nate and Hugh taught Rosa the rules. I also watched as Hugh dominated the game. I just ask myself what he would do in this situation."

 **"So she's been cheating the whole time,"** Erika decided. **"No wonder her comments were so unlike the Bianca I remember from the journey. And to think I was actually starting to root for her."**

N looked at her in fake shock. "I thought you would want Hilda to win."

 **"Well, I do _now_."**

There was another roar of outrage, this time from Hilda as Bianca gave a point to Hilbert over his sister's play of the "Your Mom" card, but it was quickly silenced when the twins' parents came out of the house, carrying a very large cake, two number-shaped candles glowing above it, and singing the traditional song loudly.

"Happy birthday, kids," their mom said once they'd finished, as Cheren scooped all the cards off the table and back into their proper place, Bianca the undisputed winner. The giant cake was put down in front of them, and both twins were forced to stand. "Make a wish before Tommy gets to it."

Hilda frowned at the thought. "I thought you'd learn to take precautions after four years of this."

"Well, N _does_ have Zekrom acting as a backup Tommy-sitter." Hilda's mother smiled at the young man she already considered her son-in-law, though her daughter had insisted they were taking the relationship slow as they figured out how it all worked. "Reshiram clearly needs him there."

"He was happy to help," N promised. "He just wants some cake for himself."

The twins' father just waved them on. "Pick a number, already," he teased. "You're not getting any younger, here."

"Isn't that the point?" Hilbert asked, missing his father's point in true Hilbert fashion. But when Hilda stood behind the 1, he took his place behind the 9, holding out three fingers as his sister did the same.

They each lowered one.

Erika raised her tail.

The second finger went down.

Erika pushed N forward, giving him an innocent expression when he whirled back instead of falling to one knee like she'd seen in movies. **"I just wanted you to have a closer look."**

"You wanted to knock me down," N hissed back.

Erika didn't flinch. **"Prove it."**

 **"She totally did,"** Hilbert's Mienshao cut in, ignoring the death glare Erika shot her way.

Down went the third.

The twins leaned in to blow out their birthday candles together, and the sudden shout of triumph from Hilbert startled N more than it should have.

"On my first try this year!" he cheered, wrapping one arm around Hilda's shoulders despite her urge to pull away. "Maybe I'll finally have good luck in something other than Pokémon battles now!"

"You're not supposed to tell us your wishes, Hilbert," Hilda taunted, and he let go of her shoulder to dig around for his trusty fork. Hilda ducked out of the way as he pulled it from his pocket, and summoned her Mandibuzz to defend her. Hilbert called his Liepard up to make it a real battle, but his mother intervened before it could go further.

"Don't you think you're a little too old to be eating flesh?"

Hilbert groaned. "But MOM!" he whined. "I love this joke!"

"I don't mind it," Hilda joined in, defending Hilbert for the first time in her dad's recent memory.

"It's really not even the worst threat he could make," Cheren pointed out. "He has Reshiram, why can't he just use her as an empty threat?"

Hilbert gestured to the big white dragon currently holding Tommy by the horn. "Because she's got a job to do."

"Good point."

Bianca cleared her throat. "While I'm sure this discussion is fascinating," she said, pushing her glasses closer to her eyes the way she'd watched Cheren do it for so many years, "this _is_ a birthday party. Why don't we have our guests of honor cut the cake and unwrap their gifts?" She finished the statement by handing each of them a sloppily-wrapped present, Hilbert's in blue and Hilda's in pink.

Hilbert ripped off the paper to find a single fork. It wasn't made of actual silver, but it was metal instead of plastic, and he looked over at Bianca in a stunned silence.

"It's for threatening to eat flesh," she told him carefully. "Not the actual poking."

Hilbert immediately poked himself in the hand with his new fork, and nodded in agreement when he noticed that there were indents in his skin when he pulled it away.

Cheren's gift to Hilda, a research book about deadly poisons, brought a smile to her face. "It doesn't make up for not being able to adopt that baby," she said, giving N a look that made it clear to Cheren that he did not want to know, "but it's still super pretty and more than useful. I love it."

Zoroark pushed N forward. **"Go on,"** he hissed. **"Give her yours!"**

N was not amused by his old friend's actions, and he put enough ice into his voice to make that part very clear. "You do know that I didn't get a ring, don't you?"

Zoroark didn't seem to care. **"There's always next year,"** he said calmly, and Erika used a vine to fist-bump him.

N barely restrained himself from facepalming, and instead joined in on the human fun without them. They immediately seized the opportunity to note that he did not officially deny anything.

"You'll have to forgive me for not knowing everything about human traditions," he told her. "But I do know enough about you to realize that you like things that are both cute and disturbing. So…" He awkwardly handed her a doll of what seemed to be an X-rayed Pikachu. "I thought this undead toy would be an appropriate offering."

"Offering?" Bianca repeated in confusion, but Hilda understood.

"I find your offering to be pleasing," she said, trying to impersonate the queens she'd seen in countless movies. "I shall accept it, and you shall be repaid."

"You're legally adults," her mother complained. "Could the three of you stop playing pretend?"

"Never," N and the twins all said together.

N was much less dramatic with his 'offering' to Hilbert, handing him a copy of an old movie that Hilda had chosen for him. Of course, he didn't have much time to go into a speech, as Tommy managed to break past Reshiram's careful blocking and make a beeline straight for the cake.

"Zekrom!" N commanded, and the Dragon of Ideals went to join his counterpart in restraining Tommy. Of course, Zekrom took N's call as permission to give the eternally-hungry Samurott a Fusionbolt to the face.

Tommy stopped, all right. He stopped and stared. Then he coughed. Then he fell over.

Hilbert returned him to his ball. "Anyone else ready to pretend that never happened?"

"Me," Hilda said immediately.

"Good." Hilbert handed the ball to Mienshao. "Take that to my room, and don't let him out."

Mienshao nodded like he'd given her the key to the universe.

* * *

The glowing of the television was the only light in the room. Three humans and a Zoroark were playing Mario Kart, and three of them secretly playing for the same team - Team Make Hilbert Lose. It would have been much easier if video games weren't something Hilbert was surprisingly good at.

"You need to learn to be a good loser, Zoroark," Hilbert scolded as he dodged the controller that the Pokémon threw.

Hilda, for once, was in complete agreement. "At least you can play. Most of my team can't. They don't have hands." Not that it had stopped Erika from attempting it. Multiple times. "And besides, as long as N comes in the Top 3, you still technically win, right?"

 **"I guess,"** Zoroark grumbled to himself as he came in just above last place - and only then due to the use of a bullet to cross the finish line. **"I just need practice, right, N?"**

"Sure," N said, in the placating tone Hilda usually used for her brother. "Just keep practicing."

"There's still two more tracks," Hilbert suggested. "We can all play the worst we can and let Zoroark beat us."

 **"I don't need your pity!"** Zoroark snapped.

 **"You kind of do,"** Erika said quietly from her corner.

"Erika," N warned, and the Serperior shut up.

"Let's just beat Hilbert," Hilda suggested. "Then let Zoroark practice in peace. I kind of want to get to bed myself."

"You want me to leave Zoroark here alone?"

Hilda gave N her best puppy eyes. "You don't trust us?" She sounded hurt and offended, and he wasn't entirely sure she was acting. "After all we've been through together, you don't trust us?"

"I do," he reassured her. "It's your Pokémon that I don't trust. They're wonderful creatures, but...well. At least Leavanny has the sense to not to suggest that we start planning a wedding immediately."

Hilda understood immediately. "Zoroark makes those suggestions anyway, though, doesn't he?"

"He does. But without Erika, he can't make _arrangements_."

"Oh." Hilda picked up her controller and focused on her character. Then, pretending that her brother and the Pokémon weren't there, she added, "I wouldn't object to getting married eventually. Once we conduct a few interviews, witness real-life weddings, get Hilbert to stop planning it for us..."

"I just ship you guys," Hilbert complained under his breath. "I don't have a notebook full of wedding plans or anything. I'm letting Anthea and Concordia handle that."

There was a moment of meaningful silence. Then Zoroark laughed. "When and if we get married," N decided, "my sisters will only know three days before the event."

"And my brother won't know until three days after," Hilda finished.

"Can't you wait until I'm not in the room?" Hilbert complained. "Now I have to spy on you."

"We could," Hilda said with a smile that leaked false innocence, "but it wouldn't be half as fun."

 **"Enough of that talk,"** Zoroark said, getting N's attention, and he waved his controller around to make his point to Hilbert and Hilda. **"I demand a rematch!"**

N smiled a little and raised his controller. "Another round, then?"

The twins instantly agreed.

N knew that Anthea and Concordia would interrogate him later, especially if he returned to Driftveil City after midnight. But he couldn't bring himself to care. Playing video games in the dark with Hilda and Hilbert and Zoroark…

He suspected that this would be his life from now on. He and Hilda could get married, or they could decide they should just be friends. But he wouldn't want a life without any of them, and not even Ghetsis would be able to get between them again.

Of course, those sappy thoughts were cut off as Zoroark Red Shelled him off the track. He turned to look at the snickering Pokémon, and Zoroark stuck out his tongue in a way that reminded N of another Zoroark he knew. **"Who said Dark-types played fair?"**

"Is that how it is?" N focused his attention completely on the screen. "Then we'll just have to see who sucks more at this game, won't we?"


End file.
